FUBAR leagues now forming! Sign up today!

2004-08-24T13:48:00.000-04:00

Here at the National FUBAR League, we've finally found a use for SadSacks like Sage Rosenfels and Trung Canidate (what is it with these crappy players whose last names look like typos?): They are your ticket to fun, laughs, and maybe even a cash prize!

Here's how it works: Pony up $25 to join an 8-team league, and each Sunday, sit perched on the sharp corner of your coffee table, ignoring the pain as you bounce up and down, clapping and cheering while Jay Fiedler throws the third of five interceptions on the day, or while your defense allows two C-notes to opposing running backs, and gets scorched for a 100-yard kickoff return TD. And at the end of the season, finish with one of the top 3 point totals to collect a cold, hard cash payout:

1st place: $100
2nd place: $ 35
3rd place: $ 25

E-mail us for more info, or to start your team today!

FUBAR - 5 Minute Primer

2004-08-23T23:26:00.000-04:00

In most fantasy football leagues, the object is to have the best team, that puts up the best stats. Yawn, snore. As a friend of mine says, "A monkey could do that." (Or, as Inspector Clouseau would say, "A minkey could do that.")

If you want a REAL challenge, how about putting out a team that puts out the WORST stats? It's not as easy as it sounds. Here's why:

When a player is putting up good stats, he will stay in the lineup. On the other hand, a guy who sucks, is gonna get pulled before very long. ESPECIALLY if he plays on a team with any kind of chance of making the playoffs or doing something. Therefore, even if you find someone who fumbles a lot, throws a lot of INTs, etc. who is good in this league, if he's getting pulled you have to keep digging to find the next guy that's going to suck it up.

Even so, it's not enough to just get any stiff. He's got to play. We've established minimum thresholds so that a player will NOT "earn" points in many categories, unless he gets out there and does some damage. For instance, running backs have to have 3-5 carries just to start getting any kind of points for yardage. Same goes for QBs, they need a minimum number of throws a game. Otherwise, it's too easy to just pick bench jockeys or dead guys like Bronko Nagurski. That said, real damage, like fumbles and INT's (to say nothing about Touchdowns) will accumulate no matter what.

So who are good guys to get in this league?

Well, for one Drew Brees would probably be the #1 pick in most leagues this year. He's lousy, plays on a lousy team with no quality on offense other than LT, and with Phillip Rivers *just* signed, probably will play for a while. Maybe the whole year. On the same token, most Charger receivers would probably be worth owning.

Tiki Barber is another guy who, although desired in conventional leagues, also has a lot of value in FUBAR because he fumbles a lot. To that end, either Kurt Warner or Eli Manning should also go high in most drafts. (Sidebar: With Warner, though, it's kind of sad - here was a guy who was as good as anyone who ever played the game for three years. Not only that, but he was clutch when they needed him most - not the overrated "comebacks" of Dan Marino against teams begging to be .500, but rather big comebacks in big spots, like the Super Bowl (he did redeem himself nicely at the end, even though he had the snot beaten out of him for nigh 50 minutes).

Also sad is that Emmitt Smith would probably be a desirable play in this league. I love Emmitt, he's one of the 5 best RB's ever, and seems like a genuinely nice and funny guy to hang around with. However, this is clearly a transition year in Arizona, and Smith should have retired about 2 years ago. The job is his, and will remain his, by default.

Not as sad, however, is the fact that Drew Bledsoe is not a horrible play in this league - look at his numbers the last two years. Think New England kept the right guy? Carson Palmer will also likely struggle in Cincinnati this year, at least early; and the 'winner' of the 'battle' in Miami between AJ Feeley and Jay Fielder will also be worth having.

As far as kickers, you want guys that miss - especially chippies and extra points. Can you say John Hall? He is the kicking equivalent of Rey Ordonez - he makes the routine look spectacular, and the spectacular look routine.

Defenses/special teams are pretty easy. Obviously you want lousy teams, like San Diego, Arizona or the Giants. Better teams with lower-level defenses are also desirable, like the Chefs or maybe even the Colts. Teams like the Patriots and Panthers will probably languish in the pool all year.

As far as all-timers to have in this league, Ryan Leaf is a no-brainer. Art Schlicter and Marc Wilson, too. Those guys would have been legends. Anyone on the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers or the 1982 Indianapolis Colts too. Also Franco Harris, Tony Dorsett and OJ in their last years in Seattle, Denver and SF, too. Willie Mays when he was a Met would have been good to have, and in the movies "The Gray Ghost" (from 'Everybody's All-American') when he was with the Broncos would also have been good to have. Also there's no shortage of kickers - remember Ali Haji-Shank? Raul Allegre? John Lee? And, of course, their home stadium would be either the late, unlamented old Foxboro Stadium, or the late, unlamented Veterans Stadium. Or something like that.

Seriously, though, this is a fun league, and a unique league, but it's not about losing or being a loser. It's about deliberately picking the worst guys, and, believe it or not, probably requires MORE week-to-week involvement than most "conventional" leagues. Do you know how hard it is to pick guys who you KNOW will do lousy AND play a lot? Quite different.

Anyway that's the league in a nutshell.

Any other thoughts?

Join the fun!

2004-08-22T23:39:00.000-04:00

Coming soon..........